By: Mama Cindy, PHC Client of New Directions & Artist
People ask me sometimes how I’ve made it through everything, and honestly, I don’t know that there’s some big secret to it. Life just keeps moving, and you either move with it or you don’t. I’ve learned that things can change in a heartbeat. One minute everything is fine and the next minute your whole world looks different. That’s just life. You don’t always get to choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you face it.
My husband and I call ourselves soldiers. We’ve been through a lot together. We’ve been married for 36 years now. The funny thing is we grew up practically across the street from one another in San Jose. At the time, I had no idea that little boy down the street had a crush on me. Years went by, and one day he came walking up to my car all dressed up, looking handsome and making sure everything was just right. I didn’t even recognize him at first because I hadn’t seen him in years. We got to talking, and a few months later we were married. Looking back, it’s kind of funny how life works.
Not everything that came after was easy. I developed severe degenerative disc disease, and over the years it took a toll on my body. The doctors told me my spine looked like it belonged to someone in their 90’s. The cartilage between my vertebrae had worn away, leaving bone rubbing against bone. The pain never really leaves. It’s there every day. But you learn to live with things when you have to.
Those health issues eventually led to us losing housing. We moved to Washington hoping for a better situation, but we ended up homeless. People hear that word and make assumptions. They think they know what happened or why. In my case, it wasn’t drugs. It wasn’t alcohol. It was health problems that spiraled into financial problems, and before we knew it we were trying to survive without a home.
For nearly ten years we lived that way.
People often wonder how anyone survives being homeless, especially during a Washington winter. But the answer is simple: you learn how to make things work. You learn how to build things. You learn how to stay warm in 5 feet of snow. You learn how to turn almost nothing into something useful. My husband and I built a campsite deep in the woods. We made a life out there as best we could. I created a cooking area from rocks and bricks I’d gathered. I used an ice chest as a refrigerator. At one point a squirrel named Big Bertha managed to chew through it and started eating my food. Now, some people would get angry about that, but honestly, sometimes you just have to laugh. If you spend all your time being angry, life gets much harder.
Even during those years, I always tried to help people whenever I could. That’s just who I am. If I knew someone had children and no food, I’d give them my meal. I’m done growing. Those kids aren’t. They need it more than I do. That’s the way I’ve always looked at things. Even now, if I hear about a neighbor who’s struggling, I’m going to do what I can. Recently a neighbor got out of jail and didn’t have any food at all. I gave him what I had and told him he was coming upstairs for dinner later. Nobody should have to be hungry if I can help it.
A lot of people know me as Mama Cindy. I think that’s because I’ve always been someone people can talk to. During our years in Spokane, I spent a lot of time listening to young people living on the streets. They’d tell me what was going on in their lives, what they were worried about, what mistakes they’d made, what they hoped for. Sometimes people just need someone to listen without judging them. I tried to be that person.
Eventually my husband and I made it back to California, in Sunnyvale. We spent years moving through shelters and trying to figure out what came next. Then one day my case manager discovered I still had a housing voucher in WA. that could be transferred. Nobody had ever explained it to me. Nobody had caught it before. I had no idea how to access it. All those years later, my life would change.
I thank the people who helped me get here. Through Peninsula Healthcare Connection, I found people who genuinely cared. They helped me navigate appointments, transportation, food resources, and services that would have been difficult for me to manage on my own. And then there was Chelsea.
Chelsea is an angel. That’s the best way I know how to describe her. Whenever I needed help, she found a way. She helped me with food, with transportation, with medical needs, and with things that most people would probably never even see. But more importantly, she helped rebuild my spirit. When you’ve been through years of hardship, that’s just as important as any resource someone can provide. She helped me believe things could keep getting better.
These days my life looks different. I spend a lot of time creating artwork, making jewelry, coloring, drawing, and working with resin. I love taking something that looks like it has no use left and turning it into something beautiful. If someone has a single earring that lost its match, I’ll turn it into a charm or a piece of jewelry. I call it recycling.
I’ve even managed to sell some of my artwork, which still surprises me. One woman saw pieces I had and ended up buying several of them. Moments like that remind me that we all have gifts.
A few years ago I suffered another setback after a fall damaged my spinal cord. There was a period when I lost movement in my arms and legs and had to go through major surgery. Since then I’ve been learning how to do things all over again. It’s been hard, but recently I stood for the first time in years. It hurt, and I have a long way to go, but it also felt wonderful.
When you can’t do something one way, you find another way. I still have dreams. I’m writing a book. I’ve always wanted to create a flower stand called The Last Rose. Every arrangement would have one rose in it that wasn’t real. Attached to it would be a tag that says, “When this last rose dies, I’ll stop loving you.” Maybe someday I’ll make that happen.
If there’s one thing I hope people take from my story, it’s something I’ve believed for a long time:
In life, you get what you give.
If you give people anger, you’ll probably get anger back. If you give people kindness, you’ll get kindness back. If you give people love, you’ll get love back.
Life has given me plenty of reasons to become bitter. Instead, I’ve tried to focus on helping people, loving people, and believing that tomorrow can be better than today. That’s what carried me through homelessness. It’s what carried me through health problems.
And it’s what I hope to keep giving for as long as I can.
